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  • Writer's pictureZanti

Living by Someone Else's Rules for your life?

Ready to make your dreams come true but living by someone else's rules? Living the life others have planned for you, but feeling lost, empty and unsatisfied? How easy it is to feel that others needs are more important than our own.


We are often raised to think it is selfish to put our needs before others, and yet when the time comes and we look at what we need to fill our cup - we find others are not so forthcoming in considering our needs before theirs. We can find ourselves feeling resentful, unhappy, bitter or angry and not really knowing why we keep getting forgotten and unconsidered.


Our lives act as a mirror. What is around us is often mirroring what we unconsciously believe ourselves. If deep down we feel we need punishment, then we will 'hire' others to punish us - through abusive behaviour or control. If deep down we feel we are not worthy of love or happiness, we will find ourselves surrounded by people who do not offer us love or consider our happiness. If we feel others are more important than ourselves, then we will find ourselves surrounded by people who consider their needs before our own. In truth it isn't about the other people. They are just doing their duty to reflect back to us our unconscious beliefs so they can be made conscious.


But let's be honest, it isn't always about us. Sometimes we are there to teach others, or to simply learn that we deserve happiness and to be respected, honoured and considered also.

Sometimes it is just about setting clear boundaries around what is and isn't ok for us in our lives. This also applies to our path. If we are sacrificing our needs and dreams to fulfill another's dreams, needs or desires, are we really serving anybody?


There is this thought many of us grow up with which is that it is 'selfish' to put our needs before others. And certainly there are times that this can be so. But there is also a need for us to acknowledge we have a purpose of our own to fill. A divine plan and path that will feed our soul and enable us to offer more to the world. Is it selfish to feed our soul in such a way as to enable us to offer MORE to those around us not less?


There is the old analogy of "you must put your own oxygen mask on before you put one on those you care for'. Why? Because otherwise you have nothing to offer those who need your care. If we do not feed ourselves, but feed others first and go hungry, can we then continue to care for them? If we feed ourselves first and give ourselves strength to grow food for those we care for, are we not all abundant? Where is the benefit in sacrificing our needs to the point that we become a bitter, empty vessel unable to offer anything to anyone else?


This applies to following our dreams. To following our path. To doing what we know DEEP IN OUR BONES is right for us - even when it may cause conflict and trouble in our lives because others are used to us living by their rules.


This does not mean we must war with others - although they may see it that way - it means with love and compassion we can kindly and gently express what is real and true for us, and set clear boundaries that support our needs and desires. We then get to receive so much more joy and happiness, and can then offer more joy and happiness to those we love.

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